New update on my birthday.

Well I can easily say that my 40th birthday was one of if not the best in my life. But my 44th could be one of the worst. I spent the day in Denver getting pre-operative information about my surgery scheduled for the 23rd. It only made me more worried and more concerned about what is going to happen to me. I am not looking forward to the long and restrictive recovery time. Or worse yet the few first few days out of surgery. It will be painful and very restrictive. And I being a control freak hate that feeling more than anything else. So I am just more fearful that something will go wrong and mess me up even more or even end me. Just not a happy day. Secondly our family dog, my daughter's dog got violently attacked today and almost died. My son was home alone and thankfully a dear friend of mine was able to take him and the dog to the vet. She was deeply cut and hurt badly. But doctor thinks she will be okay. But is looking at a long recovery and possible a second surgery to help repair her. Needless to say my baby girl is a total wreck. Also I have gotten myself into a bind. I have a situation on Friday I am not sure I want to deal with. But I can't avoid it. No matter how easy it would be to stop. I just can't do it. I want it too badly. But I am so afraid that it may hurt me so very very deep. I am not sure I can emotionally handle it. I feel like I am setting myself up for a terrible fall. But I just can't stay away. I feel like a moth at the flame. Lastly I have also had some feelings that I don't think I should be having. I have tried to hide them for a long time. I have fought them for a long while. But lately they have come out in full force and I am not sure what will come of them. I am very worried. It is not a happy time for the old Vster!! -Johnny V.