Make it stop

I can't take this any more. I am in constant hurt. Everything reminds me of it. Every place I look, anything I see. I can't shake it. I have small pockets of time with the family having fun where I forget. But then as it winds down there is the pain again. I just want to scream at the sky sometime. I just want to yell at God and ask him, "why me?" Why is it always me? Don't I ever get what I want? Why do I fuck everything up? I am so sick of things not working out for me. Maybe if this surgery goes wrong and I don't wake up, it will just be for the best. Then I can't screw up people's lives anymore. Including my family. I just can't take it anymore. Please somebody make it stop! -Johnny V,