June 12, 2012

Well health was shitty today. Took another downward spin. Feeling very weak and light headed again. So sick of this. I just want it to be over. No matter how. I just want it done. But even worse I still can't let go of this pain. I can't just drop the matter and move on with my life. I hate this about myself. I wish I could just go forward with my life. I can't bring myself to erase the texts messages saved in my phone. Or the IM messages in FB. And there are tons of them. Or delete her number from my phone. Yet I am sure she has done all these with my information. I don't know why I cant do this. It just makes everything worse. I want it all to be over. I still want her friendship even now after all this time and pain. But I know her and I doubt it will ever happen. So I just slowly get sadder and sadder. -Johnny V.